Four Laws of Communication
by Paula Thomas, BMHC
I am sure that we are all aware that the key to a successful relationship is communication. We usually get along best with the people that understand us the most. Communicating our thoughts and feelings is important in order to understand each other. When we learn to communicate our deepest thoughts, needs, feelings, and frustrations, our expectations are clarified—and problems are solved. God models communication for us in His character and His Word. God’s rules of communication are expressed in four basic commands in Ephesians 4:25-32.
Let’s start with the first one – Stop lying and start telling the truth. (Eph. 4:25)
We might say that we really don’t lie. But think about it. When someone asks how you are doing, how do you usually answer? Well, most of us will say, “We are fine” when we really aren’t. Why do we do that? It could be that we feel no one is really interested in what we have to say. I actually tried it out once. Normally I will say I am fine when I really am not.
So, one day someone asked how I was doing, and I said not so good. The person didn’t know what to say and looked physically uncomfortable. I just walked away at the time. Do you know that people really don’t know how to handle it when someone tells them how they really feel? What we need to do when someone says they are ok, maybe we should say, “How are you really doing?” Let’s care enough to ask others.
The second one. Keep current. (Eph. 4:26-27)
It clearly states that going to bed angry with each other is a sure way to allow the devil to drive a wedge into your relationship. Remember anger that is not dealt with is anger that will pop up later on. Initiating reconciliation is the responsibility of both parties involved. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. The sooner the issues are dealt with the better.
Here is the third one. Tackle the issue, not the individual. (Eph. 4:29-30)
Cutting words are to be put off and in their place. We must express words that build up the other person. In Proverbs 18:6 it says, “A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calls for blows.” We all know that one cutting remark leads to another.
Sometimes it is very hard for us to stop, especially when someone has hurt us. Communication than ceases and character defamation often develops—destroying the respect and love we have for each other. We need to learn to be an example to others. The way we talk affects the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our lives and the lives of others.
Here is the last one. Pro-act, don’t react. (Eph: 4:31,32)
To be kind, tender hearted, and forgiving means that we need to understand the frustration of what the other person is feeling. That is not always easy to do, but such an important factor in a relationship. When someone lashes out at you take a step back and realize that it is not against you but the frustrations in their lives.
Take the time to find out what is going on. I am not saying that the other person is always right. I have found that when a person is angry, it is not always toward the person they are angry with, but that there is an underlying reason for their anger. The bottom line is we become what we communicate, so let’s learn to speak the truth with love and grace.
Blessings, Paula W. Thomas, BMHC
About the Author
Paula Thomas, BMHC is a Wife, Mother of 9, and grandmother of 11. Paula is a Deans List graduate from Rutgers University with a Bachelor of Social Work, (BSW) and is a Board Certified Mental Health Coach. With over 40+ years of personal and business experience Paula has a wealth of knowledge and lessons learned to share. During her career Paula has worked for Christian Homes for Children, Agape Family Center, Christian Life Center, and Thomas Kids Klub Day Care. Paula has extensive experience working with parents and children. Paula works with individuals, parenting groups, or parents and children together. Every relationship is different, and Paula will help the parents or caregiver to enhance their current home life and communication to create a more peaceful living environment for everyone involved.
Over the years, Paula has been involved in volunteering in multiple Youth and Kids Ministries and helping out at Chosen 300 providing meals on a weekly basis and ministering to those in need. As a mother and grandmother Paula has a strong understanding of children. As an Advocate for Children, Paula will help ensure the children she works with receive the attention and understanding they need in order to grow and believe in themselves. Children need to have someone who is willing to listen and help them communicate what they are thinking, feeling, seeing, and living through.
It is our belief that children need a stable environment to grow and someone who can help them navigate and understand various situations they come across.