Dull Pencils and Blank Pages
by Chrissy Kay
I opened this document labeled “May article”, which I know I wrote notes in for the May column, only to find one sentence—When you know who He is, you'll know who you are.
I was so mad that my words were lost, but I couldn’t allow myself to get angry because what was on the page was a powerful sentence. That one sentence is more powerful than an entire book filled with words.
It reminded me that even though I have frustration over the fact that I have a blank page with only one sentence, my story isn’t blank. God wrote my story and I have to do my best daily to figure out what I am supposed to do, and how I am to live.
Our family recently began family therapy to help us work on better communication, and after the first session, it became apparent to me that I would benefit from individual therapy. It’s okay to ask for help.
A few months ago, I was in prayer and seeking answers to help one of my children. I opened my eyes and the first thing I noticed was a cup of dull pencils sitting on the table next to me. Later that day, I asked my child if I could borrow their pencil sharpener. After they gave it to me, I felt God lead me.
I knew I had to look for the problem I had been seeking answers to. I took the next steps and found what I sought answers to. I fell to the ground and sobbed. It’s the sob I call the “death sob”. The one you know, and pain you feel when you hear it. The sob that comes from the deepest depths of the soul.
I cried it—again. Yet, this time, it wasn’t for death. It was for truth. That day, I did feel as though my heart died, though. I cried for the pain and emotional suffering my child had gone through. It felt like death. Then, I paused and remembered the dull pencils. I remembered asking God for his help, and I became so overwhelmed with gratitude.
He answered my prayer and maybe even saved my child’s life. I cannot put into words, what this type of gratitude feels like. I knew I needed to do more, pray more, love more, and talk with the kids more. I put off work for a month, just to refocus on my family.
My child began individual therapy, and soon after, we began family therapy. It’s been a few months now, and things are getting better, and despite the current coronavirus pandemic, my family has gotten closer. I am thankful for the extra time we get to spend together. As for me, I am working daily to fill in the blanks, on the pages in the story that God wrote for me. I know who He is, so I have a pretty good idea who I am, too.
About the Author
Chrissy Kay is the owner and founder of Glory and Grace Silks.
Her background includes 12 years in the Housing and Property Management Industry, including: writing budgets, auditing financials, and maintaining residential occupancy when working onsite.
The hands-on learning she received during that time was invaluable knowledge which prepared her for the business aspect of owning and running her own company.
Today she spends her time designing and painting silk scarves, and art, and managing all aspects of her company.
You can read Chrissy’s column on the 2nd Tuesday each month here at Mustard Seed Sentinel.