Enhancing My Marriage with Love Notes
How Encouragement Fueled My Husband’s Love Language
by Joanne Troppello
My husband and I will be celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary on July 17th. Shortly after we got married, I read various relationship books by Gary Smalley and Gary Chapman. One of my favorite books was The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
My “love tank” is filled by quality time. For example, when my husband is talking to me, I need him to maintain good eye contact. If he doesn’t, that makes me feel undervalued and unloved. He may be listening to me, but if he is scrolling through his social media newsfeed or watching TV, I feel as if he’s not really listening to me – especially if I’m sharing something important.
Acts of service is my second love language. My love tank is filled when my husband helps out with drying the dishes on his weekends off work or when he helps carry the groceries up the stairs to the kitchen.
The way I show love is through acts of service and words of affirmation. I like to help others and give of my time. For example, my sister and her girls just got back from their vacation. I had been on my way outside to water the vegetable garden today when I saw their car pull into their driveway (they live next door). I stopped over to say hi and hug the girls and my sister – and I helped her carry things inside their house.
My Husband’s Love Languages
Physical touch is my husband’s love language. I obviously had figured that out already – after a few years of marriage – by the time I read the love languages book. However, it still was hard for me to get used to his need for physical touch since I’m not a “touchy feely” person and not someone who likes PDA’s. His second love language is words of affirmation. When I realized that, I was excited because that’s one way I show love – to encourage others.
Not too long after we got married, I made a decision to write motivational love notes to my husband each day. I would leave the notes near his phone so that he would see it before he left for work.
“I just want to be there for my husband. I don’t ever want him to think that he’s not getting everything at home – love, attention, encouragement, a meal. I just want him to feel the best he feels at home. I think that’s what a good wife is. Someone who is very attentive to her husband.” – Tamera Mowry
I’m the reader and writer in the family. My husband is the facts and figures guy. I think he may have felt bad because he doesn’t like to write and wasn’t writing me love notes each day. Of course, I was fine with that. I didn’t need him to write notes for me. However, one day he left me the same love note that I left for him. I saw it when I got to the workstation in my home office. To me, it was a sweet gesture because I knew it was the thought that counted.
My husband tells me each day that he loves me. However, he shows me that he loves me by how hard he works each day for us – usually 10-13 hour long days. Through the years, I’ve learned to welcome his hugs and kisses, since that’s how his love tank is filled.
An Enriched Marriage
Looking back now, I’m so happy that I listened to God’s urging to write a love note for my husband each day. It has definitely been a huge factor in enriching our marriage. These notes have fueled his love tank and helped him to make it through difficult days.
My love tank has been filled because I know that these notes have touched my husband in an invaluable way. It’s helped me to be thankful for him even on days when he’s getting on my last nerve, or we’ve gotten into an argument. I still wrote a note for him to find – even on those days when we weren’t totally in sync with each other.
Fueling Other People
If you haven’t yet read the love languages book by Gary Chapman, I would encourage you to read it. Please see the link below.
Also, if you would like to take The Five Love Languages Quiz, click this link.
Sure, my husband and I have experienced the normal ups and downs, arguments, fun times, and learning moments. Yet, one significant constant in our lives that has kept us continually encouraging each other has been the love notes.
I had always loved to encourage others. Reading the love languages book helped me to understand my husband better. That enabled me – with God’s power – to utilize words of affirmation to enrich our marriage.
About the Author
Joanne Troppello is an author, writer, and poet. She is the publisher of the online Christian lifestyle magazine, Mustard Seed Sentinel. Connect with Joanne on Twitter. You can find Joanne on these social media channels—Twitter, Facebook, Parler, Spreely, and Clouthub—with the same username, @JoanneTroppello—and @joannetroppello.mseedsentinel on Instagram. Visit the Mustard Seed Sentinel YouTube Channel. Check out MSS Live Well Corner.