Jo’s Journal: Reasons Why Complaining Can Make You an Unattractive Person


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Jo’s Journal: Reasons Why Complaining Can Make You an Unattractive Person

An attitude of gratitude shines brighter than ingratitude

by Joanne Troppello

“Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.” — Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

I have generally been a person that sees the glass as half-full. I try to look for the silver lining. Complaining never did me any good. All it accomplished for me was to keep me focused on the problems in my life rather than the solutions.

Complaining will alienate you from the people in your life and can make you more of an unattractive person—in body, soul, and spirit. It’s best to focus on the good things in your life and count your blessings. I’m speaking from a place of experience. There are a lot of mountains in my life right now, but I’m choosing to focus on my faith and solutions.

Consider the following five reasons why you should reevaluate your life and stop complaining and foster an attitude of gratitude. Sure, you can keep going down this road of ingratitude. However, it won’t serve any positive purposes in your life.

1. Unhealthy Physical Presence

Our total body health and wellness is directly related to the way we treat our bodies, such as exercising and eating a healthy diet, and the environments that we live in.

Constantly complaining can negatively impact brain health since stress hormones that our brain releases can adversely impact neural connections. Healthy neural functions ensure that we can effectively solve issues through proper cognitive functionality.

Psychologist Martin Seligman completed research which showed that maintaining a positive perspective can benefit your life more than if you continually remained pessimistic and complained all the time. Dr. Seligman shared that people who are more positive and complain less are more likely to experience a “healthy glow and optimistic perspective”—which can make you more attractive to others you encounter in life.

2. Fosters Melancholy

Consistently complaining can set you up to endure a toxic cycle of experiencing melancholy and failure. Even if you have a small success, as a chronic complainer, you’ll likely focus on how you failed to reach all your objectives.

I am engaged by people who have a positive outlook on life and are not continually complaining all the time. Maybe you gravitate towards that kind of personality and perspective. However, it’s likely that you don’t want to be around this type of individual. Yes, I like to encourage others, but I don’t want to be brought down by someone’s negativity. You likely don’t either.

3. Destroys Creativity

I’m a creative thinker. I like to think outside the box and try to find solutions and make positive changes in my life. On days when I feel depressed and want to complain about things going on in my life, my creativity is stagnant.

I try to write, but I can’t focus on gathering my thoughts enough to fill the page. Instead, my thoughts are focused on everything that is wrong—when I should be focused on those things that are right. Then my creativity would start flowing again.

4. Decreases Productivity

People who complain, tend to focus on problems and they can’t move through the weeds to find any solutions. If they focused on ways to find solutions, that could help them move beyond feeling frozen into inactivity.

Don’t allow negativity to take over your life and decrease your productivity in both your personal and professional life. Take personal responsibility for your actions and make a decision to change.

I used to complain more when I was younger until I realized that it added no value to my life. You can break the toxic cycle of focusing on what’s wrong in your life and start thinking about how to make positive changes. Don’t complain. Find solutions.

5. Stunted Relationships

Don’t allow complaining to overtake your life and mess with relationships with your family and friends. Try to disprove the adage that misery loves company and focus on the positive things and people in your life.

With the world crisis of the coronavirus pandemic and unrest, it can be easy to allow the uncertainty of our current conditions and quarantine life to bring you down.

Consider starting a thankfulness journal where you list three things you are thankful for each day. As a reformed complainer, I will concede that this will likely be a difficult task to complete—at least in the beginning. You’re not used to focusing on the good things in your life and only focus on the negatives.

I don’t write everyday in my thankfulness journal. However, it had been extremely beneficial to me during the year long journey I took trying to transform my mindset in the midst of difficult circumstances. Now, I have this journal available to me to write in three blessings on days when I need to refocus my perspective.

Taking the first step

If you want to reform your mindset and stop the endless toxic cycle of complaining all the time—and never seeing the good in your life—you just need to take that first step and admit you want to make a change. It will be difficult, but anything of value is worth fighting for.


Previously published at Medium.

About the Author


Joanne Troppello is an author, writer, and poet. She is the publisher of the online Christian lifestyle magazine, Mustard Seed Sentinel.


Connect with Joanne on Twitter and join in cultivating positivity in your life and sharing it with others by subscribing to the Sunflower Quest Community.


#Gratitude #Ingratitude #Thankful #Thankfulness #Grateful #Gratefulness

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