Life Balance: Have You Ever Taken a Self-Evaluation?

Photo of a face reflected in a small piece of glass
Credit: Vince Fleming in

Have You Ever Taken a Self-Evaluation?

Seeing Yourself for Who You Really Are

by J.M. Troppello

“It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of ‘A Course in Miracles’”

Taking a self-evaluation is a good thing.

I never even thought of those words ‘self-evaluation until I was engaged at the age of 29. I had unresolved anger issues and was not able to deal with conflict in a mature and productive way. Those issues—especially the conflict management one—came to light in big ways during our engagement year.

I didn’t have issues managing conflict with my then fiancé. However, I did have conflict resolution issues dealing with my side of the family and my new in-laws. We dealt with issues of the wedding planning etc.

Yes, most people planning weddings have issues trying to get everyone on the same page.

However, during my engagement year, those issues brought me through my first deep journey of self-evaluation and discovery.

My friend who is a counselor bought me a book on developing boundary lines in your life. That was the first step toward understanding who I was as an individual.

Then I read marriage books by Dr. Gary Smalley. His book, The DNA of Relationships helped me immensely. I learned so much from The Five Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Through all this self-evaluation, I discovered the following things about myself:

  • I had anger management issues.

  • I couldn’t resolve conflicts in the right way.

  • I didn’t know how to set boundaries with family.

  • I reacted immaturely instead of responding maturely.

  • I still lived in the victim mentality from my past.

  • I didn’t understand different personalities.

  • I couldn’t respond well to those varying personalities.

  • I would then carry all this baggage into my marriage.

We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this past July. My husband and I have a solid marriage that is founded on respect, love, and centered on our faith.

Yet, the first several years were rocky as we both learned how to evaluate ourselves and then grow as individuals, and as a couple.

Take Your Own Journey of Self-Evaluation and Discovery

“Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life.” – Shannon L. Alder

That quote from Shannon L. Alder fits perfectly into the entire idea of self-evaluation.

If you don’t have courage, you’ll never get started on your own journey of self-discovery. You’ll just keep going with the status quo and think you’re doing okay. You may even be unaware of the destructive behavior that you’re leaving in your wake for others to deal with.

Don’t leave a lingering effect of negativity all around you.

Muster the courage to find out who you really are as an individual.

I would suggest you take the following steps, which helped me on my own journey:

  • Take a free personality test. You can find reputable free ones online.

  • Read books on different personalities so you can interact more maturely.

  • Focus on responding maturely rather than reacting immaturely.

  • Read The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley.

  • Read The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

  • Ask a trusted friend or family member to be an accountability partner.

  • Ask family and friends what they think are your strengths and weaknesses.

  • Be completely open, honest, and vulnerable throughout this journey.

Self-Evaluation and Discovery is Life Long

This will be a life-long journey.

Yes, I am more mature than I was before my initial journey of self-discovery. However, I have learned many things along the way and implemented them into my life. This has helped me become more emotionally intelligent and self-aware.

Just remember that you should be always growing as an individual in life. Embrace the obstacles as opportunities to become more mature. Never stop this journey of self-evaluation.

But always reward yourself when you make progress. It’s important to focus on the positive changes—and to always offer yourself and others—the gift of grace.

Article syndicated by Inspiration Realm on


About the Author

J.M. Troppello at Mustard Seed Sentinel

J.M. Troppello is an author, writer, and poet. She is the publisher of the online Christian lifestyle magazine, Mustard Seed Sentinel.

Connect with the author on Twitter. You can find her on these social media channels—Twitter, Facebook, Parler, Spreely, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Clouthub. Visit the Mustard Seed Sentinel YouTube Channel. Visit MSS Live Well Corner and our Ko-Fi MSS Community.