Relationships: How to Become a Better Spouse

Man and woman holding hands in a field
Credit: Brooke Cagle in

How to Become a Better Spouse

From a Christian Perspective

by J.M. Troppello

My husband and I celebrated 18 years of marriage this past July 17th. We’ve grown a lot as individuals and as a couple during our marriage. One crucial factor—which is the glue that held us together—is that we’ve placed God at the center of our marriage. There have been ups and downs and in-between days, but God has helped us through them all.

Consider the following ways that you can become a better spouse and enhance your marriage in a positive and productive way.

1. Cultivate Your Relationship with God

God needs to hold first place in your heart if you want to grow in your personal relationship with Him—and especially if you want to become a better spouse. When you don’t prioritize God as first in your heart, all areas in your life will suffer, including your marriage.

2. Develop Better Communication Skills

Work on developing better communication skills such as the most important three:

  • Respond, don’t react

  • Learn to listen more

  • Practice mindfulness

These three steps can significantly enhance your individual communication skills. That will in turn help you communicate better with your spouse. Developing these three skills will help to increase your emotional intelligence level (EI). When you can behave like an emotionally mature adult, that will benefit your relationship with your spouse.

3. Learn about Personalities and Love Languages

This step can help you to understand why your spouse acts the way they do. Reading The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley and The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman were instrumental in my personal growth and the development of my marriage. When I learned about different personalities and the five love languages, I was able to better understand my spouse and interact more maturely in all my relationships.

4. Read the Bible and Pray Together

Consistently reading and studying God’s Word and praying will enhance your personal walk with the Lord. However, you also need to study the Bible together with your spouse and pray with him or her each day—or as often as possible. You need to take the time to grow together in this area.

5. Schedule a Monthly Date Night

Spending time together is an important factor in enhancing your marriage. You’re likely extremely busy with work, family, and church responsibilities. However, when you make time to go out with your spouse, that can increase your emotional intimacy level. My husband and I love the movies. We’ve scheduled a movie date every two months at the local dine-in theater. In the months in between, we do some other date activities together like miniature golf.

6. Don’t Go to Bed Angry

One of the most important things you can do for your spouse is to try to never go to bed angry. It’s not always possible. Sometimes your spouse is not ready to talk about the issue and needs a cooling-off period. However, do your best to resolve the issue that night or at least the next day. You don’t want negativity to fester in your marriage.

26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26-27, NKJV)

Enhance Your Marriage

Cultivate your relationship with God. Develop better communication skills. Learn about different personalities and the various love languages. Read the Bible and pray together. Schedule a date night each month. Don’t go to bed angry. If you follow these six basic steps, you can become a better spouse and enhance your marriage in a positive and productive way.

Article syndicated by Mustard Seed Sentinel on


About the Author

JM Troppello in Mustard Seed Sentinel

J.M. Troppello is an author, writer, and poet. She is the publisher of the online Christian lifestyle magazine, Mustard Seed Sentinel.

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