Relationships: Three Ways to Handle Conflict in Your Marriage

Gold wedding rings on a dictionary opened to the word marriage
Credit: Sandy Millar in

Three Ways to Handle Conflict in Your Marriage

From a Christian perspective

by J.M. Troppello

My husband and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this last July. We both learned a lot through the years and have grown as individuals and as a couple.

Some of the following factors helped us grow:

  • Pre-marriage counseling

  • Reading marriage books

  • Seeking advice from older married couples

  • Praying together

  • Reading the Bible together

How to handle conflict

Marriage is not easy. If you're just starting out and think you’re headed for an easy road, think again.

According to the CDC, “Out of 45 reporting states and D.C., the current divorce rate is 2.7 per 1,000.”

In our marriage, my husband and I have found that the following three factors played a huge role in us learning how to grow together—and handle conflict in the correct way.

1. Prayer

Prayer should be an important part of every Christian’s life. If you want a successful marriage you need to be praying daily for your spouse.

It helps if you both are praying for each other. However, even if your spouse isn't praying for you, it’s vital to pray for your spouse.

“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8, NKJV)

Having a vibrant prayer life can help you pray before conflicts arise, during the conflict, and after the conflict ends. Prayer is a powerful weapon. It can be used to glorify God in your life.

2. Communication

Communication is a vital factor in handling conflicts in your marriage. I’ve learned from experience that when you don’t communicate well that can lead to arguments.

For example, I get triggered if my husband ignores me or doesn’t look at me when we’re having a serious conversation. He gets triggered if he thinks I’m saying something that is disrespectful to him even if I didn’t mean it that way.

Learning about your spouse’s personality and love language can help you communicate better. My love languages are that I need quality time and acts of service. I show love by encouraging and serving others.

My husband’s love languages are physical touch and encouragement. He shows love through physical touch and acts of service.

Once we read The Five Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman and took personality tests, we were able to understand each other better—and know why we react in certain ways.

Learning to see things from your spouse’s perspective can go a long way toward helping you handle conflict in a positive way.

3. Compromise

Now some people will not like the word compromise. My husband sees things in black and white and I see things through the gray areas. I’m more open to compromise than he is.

However, through the years we’ve learned how to compromise and work together for a common goal.

When you compromise, both parties should somehow win in the end. You both have to give something up but you should get something else in return.

Don’t look at compromise like a dirty word that you don’t want anything to do with. It can seriously help your marriage grow as you work through conflicts.

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:1-2, NKJV)

Work together

The only way your marriage is really going to thrive and not just survive is if you work together.

  • Schedule shared Bible study time together

  • Schedule a date night

  • Keep the lines of communication open

  • Pray together

  • Worship together

  • Attend church and small group together

  • Be vulnerable

  • Be honest

  • Value truth

  • Trust God

By following these simple steps of praying together, communicating with each other, and compromising, you can handle conflict in a godly way.


About the Author

J.M. Troppello at Mustard Seed Sentinel

J.M. Troppello is an author, writer, and poet. She is the publisher of the online Christian lifestyle magazine, Mustard Seed Sentinel.

Connect with the author on Twitter. You can find her on these social media channels—Twitter, Facebook, Parler, Spreely, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Clouthub. Visit the Mustard Seed Sentinel YouTube Channel. Visit MSS Live Well Corner and our Ko-Fi MSS Community.