Wives, Stop Nagging Your Husbands and Start Praying
by Joanne Troppello
The struggle between praying for my husband and nagging him has been real and a difficult habit to form—and break—throughout our almost 16 years of marriage.
Ladies, let’s face facts. Men don’t like to be nagged. They want to be respected. As Christian women, we need to start praying more for the men in our lives and stop nagging them.
What the Bible Says About Nagging vs. Praying for Our Husbands
According to Proverbs 21:19, “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” That sounds like a no-brainer. However, after being married, we can sometimes get into a rut and start to nag our husbands.
Maybe he is not growing as quickly in his relationship with the Lord as you are, or he might not clean up after himself and it drives you crazy. Sure, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open with your husband. Just make sure that your talking doesn’t turn into frustration and then nagging.
I recently got frustrated with our current circumstances and how my husband was reacting to things. I started nagging him again about reading the Bible more and trying to focus on God and trust Him through our difficulties. We had an argument.
The best part about that day, was that God got a hold of me again and I went to our bedroom—while my husband was in the living room playing video games on his Xbox—and I listened to the Bethel Worship playlist on Spotify. I circled our room for about 25 minutes in prayer, worship, and reading the Bible.
God calmed me down and showed me that I was starting to nag my husband again. I don’t want to be like how Proverbs 27:15-16 describes an angry and nagging woman: “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”
I would rather be like the godly woman as described in Proverbs 31:16: “She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”
I Peter: 3:1-6 has been a comfort and help to me throughout my married life. I have turned to this verse and asked God to help me have the “incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
The words in bold lettering in verses 1-2 were like a rock to me. They gave me hope that if I trusted in God, focused on Him, sought help from the Holy Spirit to imitate Christ each day—and prayed for my husband—that he could be won over by my conduct.
God’s Word is true. I have seen this work. I needed to be reminded of it again just recently. Prayer changes things. It is changing me and my husband. I need to pray more and nag him less—with the goal of no nagging at all.
How to Remain Peaceful While Waiting for God to Move
During the conversation with my husband, which had escalated to harsh words and raised voices, I asked him how he wanted me to act with him—since my personality operates on having an emotional connection with him and that felt broken right then. He didn’t have a response.
That’s when God’s voice rang through my spirit. He wanted me to look to Him as my rock and not my husband. I had gotten complacent recently and the busyness and stresses of our daily life had started to disconnect me from communion with my Heavenly Father.
God wanted me to trust that He would be enough for me. He is always enough for me. I cannot put my trust in man. I needed to trust Him to get me back on track and allow Him to lead me in a gentle and quiet spirit so that my conduct could win my husband over to a focus on God again.
Both my husband and I are Christians. We both got saved at a young age. However, you likely can relate that life and stress can make you veer off track from your relationship with the Lord.
1. Communion with God
Make your communion with God a priority. This is important every day in our walk with Him. However, it is even more vital when trying to cultivate the gentle and quiet spirit and win your husband over with your conduct. Pray throughout the day and focus on praying specifically for your husband.
I have several books by Stormie Omartian, but one in particular has been very helpful during my marriage, The Power of a Praying Wife.
She includes powerful prayers and scriptures that you can pray over your husband. I highly recommend this resource.
There are so many areas that you can pray for your husband such as for his work, his relationship with the Lord, his ability to communicate better, and so many more.
2. Bible and Prayer Time
Make sure you continue with your daily Bible reading and prayer time. I am using the Thomas Nelson Study Bible (NKJV) and the Hebrew Greek Key Word Study Bible (KJV). I’ve gained a deeper insight into God’s Word by using these Bibles. I am currently reading through the Gospels again, starting in Matthew. I had just finished reading through the Epistles again.
3. Accountability Partner
Confide in a close friend, family member, or woman at your church like the Pastor’s wife. You need to speak to a woman, not a male friend. You don’t want to fall into temptation by sharing intimate and emotional details and feelings with a man.
Make sure this person is reliable, has a strong relationship with the Lord, and will not spread your relationship business like a gossip would. Pray about it before you share with anyone.
You want this person to partner with you in prayer. However, the focus should never be on “husband bashing”. It should be on helping you stay accountable in cultivating that gentle and quiet spirit so you can win your husband over.
4. Act Normally
Go about your daily life and try to act normally. If you have kids, you don’t want any rifts between you and your husband to upset them. You need to avoid bad-mouthing him in front of them.
Trust me, I know how difficult it can be to act normally during this time. However, you need to focus on God and living your daily life, so you don’t focus on your husband and what he is doing or not doing.
It may take time for your husband to get refocused on God. That’s okay. That’s why you need to lean on the Lord and keep moving.
Have you ever experienced a similar situation in your marriage? How did you handle it?
About the Author
Joanne Troppello is a published author of 3 inspirational fiction novels and the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief of Mustard Seed Sentinel. She has experience as a freelance writer in topics such as marketing, retail marketing, health and wellness, SEO and social media, travel and lifestyle, website content, recommendations for apps, and content for blogs. Visit her Amazon Author Page for more information regarding her books. Connect on Twitter. Read more about Mustard Seed Sentinel here.