Spunky Tales: Summertime in Doodleville
by Linda Suit
Man it has been hot so I've been cooling my jets. Jerry Boy drinks a lot of water and I like drinking out of a cup better than from my bowl. Sooo, he had a big cup of water and I jumped on the chair and helped myself. Water is really good for you. You should drink a lot of it; it makes your skin nice and makes your tail fluffy.
Oh wait, maybe hoomans don't want fluffy tails? Well, mine is obviously gorgeous. Mommy said I could dust with it but I don't like cleaning house. So, drink water and eat healthy. Oh look, cookies!! Well Mommy, you shouldn't have left them on the counter!
Summertime in Arkansas is HOT...how hot is it, you ask? Well, Jerry Boy told me a story his Grandpa told him. One summer he was using a team of mules to plow a field of popcorn (yup they grow special corn for popcorn). It was so hot that the corn started popping and covered the fields with white popcorn. Those poor old mules thought it was snow and laid down a froze to death. Snicker snicker.
Well I have made my decision. It's just too hot to be a country girl Doodle, so I'm gonna be a girlie girl Doodle for now. I spent a lot of time today pulling all kinds of smelly stuff from Mommy's bathroom and carrying it around. I was having fun when she walked in and caught me so I ran on top of the vanity where she has some dead looking animals (she said they're stuffed but they don't look fat).
She tried to get me so I threw some animals on her head. Ha ha ha. I even got the top off some cream and got it on my hands. She's gonna have fun trying to find where I hid everything. Really Mommy you should share! Well maybe I shouldn't have been looking at girlie stuff cause guess what happened next? I got a bath! I HATE baths!
So, I survived and she changed my whole Happy-tat and my favorite t-shirt and now I gotta sleep with a different one. I'm gonna tell my Mommy...oh wait, she's the one that did this to me!
I was pouty the rest of the day. I had to show her who was boss, right? Umm, I decided it didn't do any good to pitch a hissy fit. Jerry Boy said she wins all the arguments anyway. Mommy let me run around in the kitchen while she cooked and I only threw a few tomatoes in the floor! That's one of my favorite games...bombs away...splat! Oopsie
While Mommy was busy I snuck another baby mater. I just love that snatch and run game. The Great Tomato Race is on! I ran from one chair under the table... where am I Mommy? Oops, she saw me, grabs and I'm gone again, spinning my wheels on the floor. I've still got my mater in my mouth! Uh oh, reinforcements, here comes Jerry Boy. Oh no, I'm cornered! Drat, Mommy caught me and I found out I can squeal with a mater in my mouth. Neat trick huh? Oh well at least she let me keep it.
Now for the skeery part!!
Terror in Doodleville!!!
First, let me tell ya I'm not posting a pic of the subject of Mommy's horrible terror. I'm not even sure she can help me write this story cause she was awake most of the nite having flashbacks. So, I'll do my best to write the story all by myself.
Close your eyes and imagine this...your worst nightmare, only it's daytime...it's on you, but you don't know it...yet...
Mommy walks in from outside and she feels something on her neck. She thought it might be a wasp and she swats at it with her hand...it falls to the floor with a thump it's so big. You skeered yet? Well ya outta be! Mommy starts screaming bloody murder and "words" come outta her mouth. Well they weren't bad words but she was literally about to have a heart attack.
It's getting away! She starts to grab the shotgun but didn't think Jerry Boy would like it if she blew holes in the kitchen floor. It's as big as her hand, has lots of legs and is MAD! HELP, HELP, PLEASE, HELP ME! OH DEAR LORD, HELP! I CAN'T DO THIS! She's doing a tribal dance and screaming at the same time. Did I say she was barefoot? Jerry Boy is outside and has no clue what Mommy's going through.
Any idea what it is yet?
Mommy is only skeered of two things, heights, and THIS! She can't let it get away in the house so she grabs something to beat it to death with. It's running away! Hurry, Mommy, it's almost as big as me and it has teeth!
It's a WOLF SPIDER. Now you may think sheesh, Mommy is afraid of this? Well, she freaks at widdle ones, but this monster is ON HER, CRAWLING, she has no idea where it came from, how long it was there, and she has to deal with it. Poor Mommy! After there is no doubt that it's dead, she scoops it up in a dustpan and takes it out and throws it in the creek. No way she is putting it in the trash can. It could be playing dead, right? Umm, nope, not as many times as she beat it.
She changed her britches (don't ask why) and went out and told Jerry Boy..."I'm done. We're moving to town." This is the second one she has dealt with in a coupla weeks. The other one was in the goatie house. Yup she was alone that time too. She managed to get it on a broom and beat that one to death too. I'll help you, Mommy!
Ok, stay with me, ok...here's the rest of the story...
Mommy walked out to the shed and Blackie, our resident 6' long black snake, slithered out from under a trailer and almost ran across her foot. Now Mommy is not afraid of this kind of no shoulders...she's not afraid of the evil ones either but she deals with them if ya get my drift. Mommy scolded Blackie and told him to go somewhere else cause her heart couldn't take any more scares. Jerry Boy said he ran him out of the shop earlier.
So, there ya have it, my poor Mommy, the liver skeered outta her, and every time she feels something touch her she does the tribal dance again.
Miss Libby Long Legs has her pillow and phone ready to call 911 if Mommy needs help again.
And on that note, I'm gonna sign off til next month, when Spunky Tales continues! Stay cool!
About the Author
Linda Suit is a city girl turned country. A travel agent by trade, she and her husband, Jerry, live in rural Arkansas with their animals including an amazing pet squirrel, Spunky Doodle.
Spunky has brightened the lives of many with her stories. She is quite a character and definitely lives up to her name of Spunky.
Linda has traveled the world. Her passion for missions comes alive in her stories from remote areas. She will make you laugh and tug at your heartstrings.
You can read Linda’s “Spunky Tales” column on the 2nd Saturday each month here at Mustard Seed Sentinel.